It’s SEC Media days in the metropolis of Birmingham, Alabama! Seriously, this is the most important thing to happen in the city every year, as the nation’s sports reporters all descend on the “Magic City” for three days of interviews, propaganda, and predictions.

The focus of the first day? Who the HELL didn’t vote for Tim Tebow for preseason 1st Team All-SEC quarterback?

It’s a question that is driving everyone nuts. The SEC isn’t exactly loaded at quarterback. You have Tebow and Ole Miss quarterback Jevan Snead…the third teamers (tied) are South Carolina’s Stephen Garcia and Kentucky’s Mike Hartline. Neither were full time starters in 2008.

Every coach gets a 1st place vote, and a coach cannot vote for their own player. The other first place vote went to Snead, who was named to the 2nd team.

That rules outHouston Nutt and Urban Meyer.

Your first inclination?Lane Kiffin! The guy has run so much smack on Florida this off-season that the ultimate doo doo talk would be telling their all world quarterback that he’s second best.

Buuut, Lane quickly put that idea to rest Tuesday. In fact Lane went a step further and said he thinks Tebow is an NFL quarterback…

“And he’ll go there and win a Super Bowl.”

 Wow! Slow down Lane!…he’s not auditioning for disciples.

One by one, as the coaches stepped up to the mic Wednesday they were posed the most important question surrounding the season. DID YOU NOT VOTE FOR TEBOW?

Arkansas’ Bobby Petrino? Quarterback groomer extraordinaire? He ditched a NFL team midseason to take a college gig, certainly he’s not against pissing a few people off…

I’m not crazy (while smiling). I probably did, yeah.

Probably did? Eh, I think he might be pulling the ol’ sarcasm gig. Check another off.

Vanderbilt’s Bobby Johnson? He’s had all sorts of frustration with the Florida program and Urban Meyer dating back to Jay Cutler’s OT comeback/blown call at the Swamp in 2004.

Tim Tebow. I don’t know if y’all are going to find the culprit who didn’t vote. You could tell him it wasn’t me (smiling).

Shoot, I thought for sure that ol’ helmet head might have been the dastardly evildoer based simply on the fact that he looks like he could be a villain in an episode of Scooby Doo.

I woulda' gotten away with it...

 
Mississippi State’s Dan Mullen? Maybe to try and separate himself from Tim Tebow, the quarterback he’s coached the last three years…not likely, Tebow is the reason he’s a head coach now…and of course he denied it.

How about Kentucky’s Rich Brooks? He seems unsuspecting, like a grandfatherly type. You know, the one who has a butterscotch in his pocket every time you see him.

You guys are going to try to narrow it down to get somebody to spill their guts? How could I not vote for Tim Tebow? We couldn’t stop him the last few years. I voted the other guy second. It isn’t me. I’m not the guy. Good luck in your search (laughter).

The mere fact that he couldn’t name “the other guy” lets me know he’s not lying. Well damn, this just seems like an uphill battle.

Georgia’s Mark Richt? Richt is thinning on top which is allowing a little too much sun exposure, but I don’t think that has killed enough brain cells yet. Besides, Richt wouldn’t be the type guy to slight someone like Tebow, especially after the stunt he pulled in 2007. Why throw gasoline on a  raging fire?

“I think that’s what everybody else says so far.”

No shock. He doesn’t want the Gators and Tebow hanging 60 on the scoreboard this year.

That gives us 4 culprits if the above coaches are seriously telling the truth. In order of least to most likely.

4. Auburn’s Gene Chizik- This guy is just happy to have a job at a decent program after making a terrible Iowa State program worse. Why the hell would he draw that much attention to himself? He was in the Big 12 for a few years and knew Jevan Snead from Texas…connection? Stretch?

3. LSU’s Les Miles - Mr. Richt, this is why Les wears a hat…prolonged sun exposure is bad for the cranium. The guy has been known to walk around with a set of brass balls, maybe he was giving them a little preseason exercise. But I’m not sure they are that large.

2. Alabama’s Nick Saban - Saban just likes to go against the grain to be a dick. No shock if he put Tebow in that number two slot just to say he did, kinda like a sandwich artist that pees in the pickles on his shift at the Subway. He’s gotta remember the SEC Championship though.

1. South Carolina’s Steve Spurrier- Part of me didn’t want to believe it. In fact I dismissed it at first, but just maybe, just maybe the Ol’ Ballcoach ain’t ready to anoint St. Tebow just yet. Before Tebow people were still talking about the previous all-world quarterback at UF. Not Danny Wuerffel…Steve Spurrier. Was Spurrier sitting in his office clutching his ballot with that last morsel of hope that he’ll always be the greatest to wear orange and blue?

The train rolls on and today we can remove one more coach from that list, come Friday we MIGHT have our answer. But will anyone admit it? Any admission would immediately turn the Q&A session about your team into a heated Q&A session about why you were the dumb-ass who put Tebow number two.

Until then, the saga continues…

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