It’s no secret around these parts that baseball and I do not really get along.  It’s not that we hate each other by any means; more like we’re complacent towards each other.  I don’t really get baseball and baseball doesn’t really get me.  I can’t speak for baseball, but I’d say that the two of us are probably content with our non-relationship. 

Baseball is in full-swing mode now that we’re a full week into the MLB season.  There will now be multiple games scheduled almost every single night between now and the end of September.  I’m sincerely happy for those of you who read the previous two sentences and have this reaction.  However, my reaction consists of a hugemongous ”meh” with a simultaneous shrug of the shoulders.  I think there are a few main reasons why I, as a tried-and-true, red, white, and blue-blooded American, don’t really embrace the historic national pasttime…mainly that I’m a terrorist and I hate freedom and puppies.  Just kidding.

The foundation of our mutually poor relationship most likely hinges on the fact that I didn’t really grow up with baseball regularly on the tube at home.  I was born and raised in upper, east Tennessee…otherwise known as the heart of Big Orange country, or the Holy Land.  My parents’ house was about 100 miles from Neyland Stadium and about 10 miles from the Bristol Motor Speedway.  In contrast, the closest Major League team was probably the Atlanta Braves…300+ miles and another state away.  Now, my parents lived in Atlanta for a few years beginning just after they got married and didn’t move back to TN until a couple years before I was born.  My dad was a paramedic while they lived there and would volunteer to work the Braves games.  He’s told me stories about he and one other guy being the only two emergency personnel in the stadium and having to basically run goat trails responding to complaints of chest pains in the upper decks throughout games.  He was actually at the game on April 8, 1974 when Hank Aaron hit homer #715 in the 4th inning to break Babe Ruth’s record but didn’t see it because there was a record crowd and he was running all over the place responding to medical emergencies.  He did receive a certificate saying he was at that game though. 

Despite my dad’s enjoyment of Braves baseball and me largely growing up in the 90’s when the Braves were making it to the playoffs seemingly every year and being competitive for World Series titles, it wasn’t really a tv viewing priority at home.  Sure, we’d have TBS on sometimes when there wasn’t much else on but there was never an effort to make sure we sat down to watch the Braves game.  On the flip side, the Tennessee football games and all NASCAR races were ALWAYS on.  Hence my Big Orange love affair and my need for speed and turning left.

Another big reason baseball and I are at odds with each other is I just don’t get baseball.  One thing I do get is numbers/math/statistics.  With the ever-evolving statistics of baseball, one would probably think that we’d be made for each other.  But, there’s also another personality trait that I possess that, when combined with my dorky love of math, works against a potential relationship with baseball: competitiveness.  I’m a somewhat competitive guy and I hate losing more than I love winning.  Losing is failure while winning is meeting expectations.  And, in baseball, the numbers that reflect success to baseball people define failure to me.  Humor me while I make a weaksauce attempt to look at a couple of baseball stats.

Batting Average: If you look at the current stats, Kevin Youkalis is leading all of MLB with a BA of 0.519.  In my math-mind, that means he’s successful in achieveing his immediate goal when at bat only 51.9%, barely more than half, of the time so far this season.  Compounding my confusion with this stat is that if he were to average this kind of batting average over the course of this season, it would be a massive feat among the greatest ever in the history of the sport.  Looking at last year’s BA stats, Larry Wayne Jones led all MLB’ers by hitting safely 160 times out of 439 chances at the plate.  Holy crap…that’s a 0.364 BA or what I see as a 36.4% success rate, or just better than being successful in one third of his opportunities.  Looking at guys that had 500+ at bats, Albert Puhols safely hit 187 out of 524 times for a 0.357 BA…similarly for 600+ at bats, Dustin Pedroia hit 213 out of 653 for a 0.326 BA.  The more chances these guys got, the worse they were.  WHAAAAT!?  From my limited understanding of the history of the game, when a player flirts with a 0.400 BA, it’s phenomenal.  I just can’t get into less than 40% being an acceptable success rate.

Win/Loss Records: Best record in 2008 – LA Angels at 100-62 (61.7% winning), best record in 2007 – Cleveland Indians at 97-66 (59.5% winning), best record of all time – Chicago Cubs (1906) at 116-36 (76.3% winning).  The 1998 New York Yankees are considered by many to be one of the most dominant teams ever due to winning 114 games.  But, they still left the ballpark 48 times with a big fat “L” from the final score.  I can’t imagine feeling the pain, irritation, annoyance, and discomfort that I get in the pit of my gut when losing at something for 48 separate days over only 6 months. 

Imagine what would happen if acceptable baseball success was applied to other aspects of sports and life:
 - Football: What if a QB had a completion percentage of 0.364?  He’d be banished from the league…or sent to the Ravens to win a Super Bowl.
 - Weather: What if there was a 32.6% chance of rain?  I’d jump at the opportunity to head out to the beach.
 - Basketball: What if an NCAA team had a 61.7% winning percentage?  They’d be sent to the CBI Tournament…or get a 3-seed if the name on the front of the jersey read “Duke.”
 - Sex: What if the pill only worked 76.3% of the time!?  There’d be a lot more of Travis Henry’s kids running around. 

You see, baseball’s accepted and respected numbers for success wouldn’t translate as success in other areas of life and sports.  Look, I realize that the above amateur analysis of rudimentary baseball stats further solidifies my baseball ignorance to those of you that are passionate about the game.  But, they’re real hindrances as to why I can’t get into the game.  I’m not trying to say it sucks or you suck if you like it; I’m just saying I don’t get it.

Mizerle06 is a senior writer and editor here at Sparty & Friends.  He can be reached/verbally assaulted at mizerle@spartyandfriends.com.

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