Once again, I hate writing divsion/conference previews.  Therefore, I reached deep into the interwebs and plucked away RomanWarHelmet from MajorLeagueJerk.com to give us a look at the NFC East. Here he is in this 2300 words of glory.

Last year, at this time, everyone was touting the National Football Conference’s Eastern Division as the finest in all of football. I tended to agree and frankly it didn’t disappoint, even if it wasn’t the absolute best. Well, I guess it disappointed but it was entertaining! The New York Football Giants went 12-4 defending their World Championship, the Eagles made a late season run and got into the playoffs on the final day of the season going 9-6-1. The Cowboys crashed and burned as turmoil embroiled them and an overrated QB, a petulant Wideout and a porous defense led them to a disappointing 9-7. The Washington Redskins dressed in uniforms and played actual National Football League games in their own stadium. They went 8-8 doing it and got some cookies and milk for their efforts. The Division was on full display in the Playoffs as the Eagles were handed a playoff victory by the defending World Champions in their own building. Excuse me. (/spits). Before we put last year’s wonderment behind us, let me please state that the Eagles choked in the NFC Championship Game. What does that have to do with anything? Nothing. They just choked. It needed to be said. Again.

Now let us look at a top heavy Division and truly the only division anyone cares about, The NFC East.

New York Football Giants: Ah, my beloved Giants. Big Blue is back in full force this year. Last year, they were rolling to what could have been a second straight Super Bowl when Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg. Then Antonio Pierce forgot how to play linebacker and the Defensive front 4 wore down and couldn’t get to the quarterback. Jerry Reese decided to fix this by signing Chris Canty and Rocky Bernard and allowing Osi Umenyiora to bring his titstacular self back fully healthy. They drafted Hakeem Nicks (WR), Clint Sintim (OLB), Ramses Barden (WR 6’6”) and Travis Beckham (TE). Besides, that they were willing to let the talent comeback and prove itself.

The offense will be more run reliant then it had been. I fully expect Brandon Jacobs to be mentioned for the NFL MVP. Behind a top offensive line led by All-Awesome Guard Chris Snee, he will average over 5 yards a carry. He also seems to be more involved in the passing game. If he can catch, he becomes a truly dangerous weapon. Eli Manning, will have has best season in regards of completion percentage. In the past, Eli was asked to throw longer passes and usually looked to throw in longer yardage situations. With his accuracy, or lack of it, and the fact that these are lower percentage type passes his percentage remained low. Now, without Burress and Amani Toomer, he has young receivers who will be running shorter routes and will be more reliant on his Running Backs for short yardage completions. Look for Mario Manningham to get a lot of balls thrown his way, Ahmad Bradshaw to be terror as a change it up back who gets catches out of the backfield and for Kevin Boss to be a big target up the middle.

The Defense is going to dominate. The Defensive line is loaded, and seems to be getting healthy. Osi is back at full strength. Justin Tuck is a beast that can lineup on the inside and on both edges. Chris Canty is a Justin Tuck like force. Mathias Kiwanuka is a pass rushing machine. Barry Cofield and Freddie Robbins will benefit from the rotation with Rocky Bernard and the hope is the pass rush stays fresh and effective. Antonio Pierce is a question mark. We know he is a leader but can he be the same player? Danny Clark is a good run defender. Clint Sintum is going to be another Jerry Reese special, a pure pass rusher who can line up all over the field. The Giants are looking for Michael Boley to provide the pass protection on the weak side. He hasn’t really practiced yet. The secondary is very very good. Kenny Phillips is going to make the next step and be one of the more dominant Safeties in the NFL. Corey Webster, Aaron Ross and Terrell Thomas are very good corners who will defend the pass well and benefit from the pass rush with a bunch of interceptions. My confidence in this defense is what makes me feel very good about this team.

Philadelphia Eagles: An overrated offseason put the Eagles higher in people’s minds then they deserve to be. Are they good? Yes. Are they very good? I think so. I feel they have made some personal decisions that will burn them. I think the loss of Jim Johnson is bigger then people think. I think the Michael Vick signing is an unneeded distraction. I think they could be a playoff team but I have a feeling the wheels will fall off.

The offense has potential to be good. Donovan McNabb is Donovan McNabb. He is a very good quarterback. Why Eagle fans and his own team dislike him is beyond me. They have surrounded him with inferior talent his entire career and have expected miracles. The “new” offensive line is hurt. They have both Andrews brothers and have them in the wrong positions and Shawn is having back issues. Todd Herreman had foot surgery. Jason Peters looks fat and useless. Brian Westbrook has some mileage on his tires but is still a dynamic runner, when healthy. DeSean Jackson is a game breaker and a pain in the ass to cover since he is so small and so fast. The problem is they have not properly supplemented his talent. Kevin Curtis is a possession slot receiver. Jeremy Maclin is a rookie, who has the same skills, and has not shown himself to be a viable option to a top football team. He is having issues making Special Teams right now. As much as I love Hank Baskett’s wife, I think he is a special teamer and 6^th receiver at best. Do we really know what Brent Celek will be?  I think the Eagle offense will be what it always is. Underperforming, poorly managed, dynamic at times but overall not enough when it matters.

The defense is a question mark. They have traditionally blitzed and played the run well. Jim Johnson, may he rest in peace, was adept at game planning and changing things on the fly. He always made the sum greater than its parts. I am not sure how this defense will adjust without him. They are not as talented as they had been in the past. Trent Cole is a good end and Mike Patterson and Broderick Bunkley are good up the middle. The linebackers are not what we expect out of Eagle linebackers. Stewart Bradley was the best and he tore an ACL. The rest are uninspired. Asante Samuel is good but overrated at corner. To be fair, Sheldon Brown is good and underrated. Quintin Demps and Quintin Mikell hardly scare me at safety.

I want to address the dog killer. First, I am all for second chances. The man served his time. It’s America. Deal with it. You can’t punish people forever unless they are sentenced to be punished forever. The idea that he can’t play in the NFL because he killed dogs is a joke. His profession is as a football player. He is not a banker or a rocket scientist. With that said, the Eagles are fucking morons to think this is going to work. First off, I don’t know what kind of talent was running around the exercise yard at Leavenworth but it certainly wasn’t NFL caliber. I have never heard of a guy missing two and a half years and coming back to be an elite player or even a productive player. Secondly, the idea that he is perfect for the Wildcat is so fucking retarded I don’t know where to start. The Wildcat works because it throws the defense off by using personnel on the field to move around so the defense either has to call a timeout or deal with mismatches.  That’s why a Ronnie Brown type or a wideout are perfect. They are already on the field and move around causing confusion. Michael Vick will be on the sidelines and run in for every one of these plays. They are certainly not going to give him snaps as a running back or wideout. Why? Because he is not one and never was one. He never lined up and ran the ball. He scrambled when the defense was already spread out. He hasn’t run a pass pattern. He hasn’t blocked defensive backs or picked up a linebacker on pass coverage. He is not equipped. Michael Vick is a mobile quarterback. A mobile quarterback that has not played against elite competition in two and a half years. This will not work or end well.

Dallas Cowboys: The Cowboys have been very quiet this offseason. Well, as quiet as they can be. They cut T.O. They made Roy Williams their number 1 receiver even though he hasn’t ever performed like one. They did nothing of consequence to make a leaky defense any better. Tony Romodumped his fat girlfriend and most importantly, Wade Phillips still coaches the team. I have a feeling it is going to be a painful year in Big Douche.

The offense can be explosive.  The loss of Terrell Owens takes away part of the explosiveness. There is nothing Roy Williams has ever done in the NFL that leads me to believe he will fill that void. This means the team will concentrate more on getting the ball to Jason Witten. That is a good thing for them and their flighty QB. Marion Barber III and Felix Jones should get a lot of touches this year as the Cowfags become a running team. Unfortunately, they have to do it behind an overrated offensive line. Flozell Adams is a beast who takes plays off and makes mental errors. Leonard Davis is a good guard but more name then substance. Mark Columbo and Kyle Kosier stink. Andre Gurode is the real deal. I think the Dallas offense that threw up 35 points a game is gone. They are going to be a ball control offense. Will they be able to put up enough points to help out Little D?

Little D, or the Dallas Defense, sucks. Plain and simple. It is bad. They have one great big shining star, DeMarcus Ware. He doesn’t deserve to be surrounded with such garbage. He is too good for this team. I am going to name the Little D for you. Igor Olshansky, Jay Ratliff, Marcus Spears, Anthony Spencer, Bradie James, Keith Brooking’s corpse, The Great DeMarcus Ware, The Overrated Terrence Newman, Mike Jenkins, Ken Hamlin, Gerald Sensabaugh with Orlando Scandrick coming in on the nickel. Now tell me, besides Ware and possibly Ratliff, who the fuck is any sort of good on this defense? I am waiting. Exactly. They blow an amazing amount of asshole.

Dallas will continue to be mediocre with Jerry Jones as its GM. This makes me happy. While he is not putting an abortion of a scoreboard in the middle of his new palace, he is too busy making knee jerk reactions and trading away an entire draft on a Wide Receiver and signing old men to play middle linebacker. You can not replenish a team this way. Ask Daniel Snyder. Speaking of Danny Boy…

The Washington Redskins: Well, they are what they always are. What’s that?  A highly priced collection of overrated talent who does just enough to stay mediocre. Are they going to be any better this year? No. Any worse? No. If you are a Redskin fan, enjoy another year in hell.

The offense sucks. Jason Campbell is bad. The Redskins know it. They spent an offseason trying to upgrade and missing out on all fronts. Campbell with throw to Santana Moss, who is good and Antwaan Randel El who is meh. Chris Cooley is better known for pictures of his hog and having a fucking hot wife. He is not bad at tight end. Chris Samuels is a man. Unfortunately, the rest of his line is a bunch of boys. Clinton Portis is a good running back with some heavy duty wear and tear. Ladell Betts has been the backup there since 1985. If they score more the 17 points in a game, I would be shocked.

Albert Haynesworth! Now that we have discussed him, let’s look at what surrounds the best defensive tackle in football. Cornelius Griffin is serviceable. Andre Carter and Phillip Daniels don’t scare me on the ends. Brian Orakpo is a rookie, so I am not counting on greatness yet. Or ever, quite frankly. London Fletcher is apparently still alive and playing the MIKE in Washington. Carlos Rogers is a good cornerback. DeAngelo Hall is not. The Redskins have been trying to fill the hole left at safety for two years since God called Sean Taylor up to be his special Headhunter in the sky. They have yet to succeed with Chris Horton and LaRon Landry. This defense can be OK, especially with Haynesworth wreaking havoc in the middle but they are rather pedestrian otherwise. Just like the rest of the team, and the coach and the organization.

So here are my predictions:

New York Football Giants: 13-3

Philadelphia Eagles: 9-7

Washington Redskins: 7-9

Dallas Cowfags 5-11

Your Super Bowl XLIV Champs will be the New York Football Giants!

RomanWarHelmet is the managing editor and senior writer at MajorLeagueJerk.com. Among his many achievements are his award winning expose on the Gay players of the Cincinnati Reds, not getting banned by The Big Lead and his 2008 Sparty Award which he in no way shape or form shared with Spencer096.

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