The following is the transcript from yesterday’s emergency statement to the media given by Rick Pitino (major hat tip goes out to USA Today for typing this up so that I didn’t have to).  The video is above for you to watch as the written word doesn’t always convey voice inflection, pauses, and other emotional interjections when it’s a transcript of a spoken statement.  I’m going to enter a little bit of commentary to show you why Rick Pitino is the only one perpetuating this story and if he wants it to go away, he needs to shut the hell up.  Saddle up, this is gonna be fun!

“I told you last time that I wasn’t going to say anything until the trial, but I think it’s really necessary that I do now because I’m a little upset. This is a day I went home to comfort my wife, who as you would imagine in the last seven months, has had a difficult time as her husband was blackmailed during the tournament and extorted for millions of dollars.”

Let’s put on the brakes for a second, Rick.  Why did you have to comfort your wife?  Cause you’ve been blackmailed for the last seven months and it’s very upsetting to her?  Or, does it have something to do with all the seedy details that have come out over the last seven months regarding how you porked a crazy woman on a restaurant table WHILE YOU WERE STILL MARRIED?  And why does it specifically matter that you were being blackmailed “during the tournament”, Rick?  Is that…no, it couldn’t be from such a straight shooter as yourself…but it sounds kinda like dropping the fact that you were in the tournament is a diversion from what’s actually going on here…which, interestingly enough, has nothing to do with basketball.   Anywho, let’s continue…

“From that point, all she has read is all of these false allegations. It’s a pretty sad day.”

Whoa, whoa.  Let’s pause again.  How does your wife know all of these allegations are false?  Because you told her so?  Did you also go home immediately after porking the crazy woman on the restaurant table and explain to her that you just porked a crazy woman on a restaurant table?  I agree with you on one thing, it is starting to sound like a sad day to me too.

“Look, I understand your business very well. I hope, some day when I’m done coaching, I can enter your business because I don’t want to just retire. I understand the competitiveness of it and I understand, with these economic times, how difficult it is for everybody.”

“What I don’t understand is why you keep fostering this behavior. On a day where Ted Kennedy died, we broke into the news here in Louisville with Karen Sypher audio tapes with a detective, which had already been put out. That’s a sad commentary on us.”

A couple of things here…first, it’s incredibly obvious you in fact don’t understand their (the media) business.  When the police release audio tapes and transcripts from an interview with a person involved in a high profile scandal/case, that’s called instant news, Rick.  And, I think I spot diversion #2…the economy.  What do the our difficult economic times have in common with your personal problems?  Nothing that involves you porking a crazy woman on a restaurant table.  Oh, wait…diversion #3…way to bring up Ted Kennedy!  This is my favorite diversion of them all so far.  Rick, you live in Lousiville, KY.  You coach the University of Lousiville men’s basketball team.  You don’t live in Washington DC or Massachusetts.  Your scandal is as big, or bigger, than Ted Kennedy’s expected death.  You know what…I agree with you on something else.  This IS a sad commentary on us.  However, it doesn’t change the fact that you in fact don’t understand their business at all.  If you did, you would know that there’s something called a news cycle.  Your infidelity/possible abortion/blackmail/extortion story has already traversed the news cycle.  This new development was a blip on the radar of your story.  Part of the consequences YOU have to suffer are dealing with the results of YOUR actions.  The police releasing audio tapes and transcripts of the person you allege is extorting you is part of that.  When you make a public statement, you restart the news cycle.  The faster you actually understand their business, the easier this will all be on you.

“And it’s also a pretty sad commentary when you look at the things that have been said from day one and even yesterday, which didn’t make me too pleased, that the U.S. Attorney asked for psychological testing for this person and that bothers me very much because I need this thing to go to trial.”

Freaking-A, Rick!  I’m never going to get through this whole transcript when I have to stop every two or three sentences to point out your ridiculousness.  Of course, “the things that have been said from day one and even yesterday” aren’t going to make you too pleased!  What did you ecpect?  To have a good laugh at your own expense while your family, friends, and enemies get a good look into your dark personal shortcomings?  And, you’re bothered that the U.S. Attorney is ordering psychological testing for your mistress because it doesn’t expedite the trial for you!?  How selfish would you like us to think you are?  Really.  The U.S. Attorney is DOING HIS JOB.

“I’m a very proud New Yorker and all my close family and friends had to read in the tabloids all these viscous things that were said. The FBI doesn’t care about basketball. The U.S. Attorney doesn’t care about basketball. In all my discussions, they never brought up the Final Four to me. The FBI cares about putting criminals behind bars. The U.S. Attorney prosecutes criminals and lets the juries decide what happens. But we’re missing whole point of what’s going on here. I was blackmailed seven months ago and these allegations were proven false. I’ll repeat the Commonwealth Attorney’s words as they were ‘void of any credibility’.”

You’re a proud New Yorker?  Am I missing something?  What’s the relevance of that?  Could it be diversion #4?  Nah, I’ll let that one slide.  And, did you just figure out that the FBI and U.S. Attorney don’t care about basketball or your trips to the Final Four?  I hope you already knew that.  I don’t really have anything to say about the rest of it…probably because it might be the first reasonable thing that’s been said.

“Enough is enough and everybody is tired of it. We need to get on with the important things in life like the economy and really crucial things in life like basketball.”

Oops, back to the good stuff.  Everybody isn’t tired of it…unless you’re talking specifically about your family.  I’m sure there’s no question that they’re tired of having to hear about your infidelity.  It’s news that you’re in a legal battle with a crazy woman you porked on a rastaurant table.  It’s news when new details emerge or pieces of the investigation are released.  And, again with the economy?  You like that diversion apparently.  We’ll go ahead and call that one diversion #5. 

“I’m asking all fans that if this is on the news anymore, and you’re a fan of anything we’ve accomplished, to just change the channel. And if the newspapers want to write about it, then just read something else, wait for the trial and the truth will come out.”

Calling for a boycott of the local news media…swell move, Rick.  Flex your muscles and strongarm the local media a little bit.  I’m sure THAT will get them to stop reporting on your infidelity and resulting legal problems. 

“This is blackmail. I was told seven months ago that if I fought it, my life would be pure hell. I went home to comfort my wife because it has been pure hell for her and my family. And don’t tell me it’s been pure hell for other people because I’m not the one who went to Fox 41 and gave all these allegations out. I didn’t bring upon this fight. All I did was stand up to a long laundry list of people, who have passed away today and who couldn’t stand up because what was done was wrong.”

Back. The. Train. Up.  The foundation of why this is “pure hell” for your family is of your doing, and only your doing.  You didn’t bring upon this fight?  You are not culpable here?  Rick, you porked a crazy woman on a restaurant table.   And who died?  Who is this “long laundry list of peope, who have passed away today”?  This makes no sense whatsoever…unless we’re talking about Ted Kennedy again!?  Hmmmm…

“Now, I will wait for the trial for all of the details. I will wait for the trial because that’s what this is all about and I’m not going to continue to talk about it anymore. But I will say this is the definition of the person that you keep reporting on. It’s someone who lies inconsistently to get their way and does so with little concern for others. And I will make one further statement to all of you about this because whatever has been written in New York — again, I’m a proud New Yorker and the writers there have always treated me with great respect — but my family and friends had to read this garbage. And it’s the same thing here in Louisville, where I’ve spent the last, going now on 17 years, and I can’t love a state anymore than this. Everything that’s been printed, everything that’s been reported and everything that you’re showing and breaking in with on a day when Ted Kennedy died is 100% a lie. A lie. All of this has been a lie and a total fabrication of the truth, except for what I told you — the mistake that I made. Everything else is a lie.”

Waiting for the trial for all of the details and not talking about it anymore is the smart thing to do, Rick.  But, it’s not what you’re actually doing.  You’re talking about it, getting pissed off at anyone and everyone, and bringing the story back to the front pages.  And, again with the proud New Yorker thing?  Seriously, can someone explain how this relates to me? 

Oh, and look out!  We’ve got a Ted Kennedy name drop again!  This is diversion #6, right?  Now comes my absolute favorite part of this statement: “All of this has been a lie and a total fabrication of the truth, except for what I told you — the mistake that I made. Everything else is a lie.”  DON’T LISTEN TO ANYTHING ANYBODY ELSE SAYS ABOUT MY SITUATION! I’M THE ONLY ONE TELLING THE TRUTH!  THEY’RE ALL LIARS, EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM! LOUD NOISES!!

“Tim Sypher has not come forward to tell the truth because he’ll have to do it at the trial because he’s in a custody battle for his child. So nobody really can stand up. I couldn’t say anything because my lawyer said ‘don’t say anything.’ And the university says ‘don’t say anything.’ And the authorities said ‘don’t say anything.’ Well, enough is enough and I am saying something. It’s a lie. It’s a 100% lie. You’ve known it was a lie. You’ve all known it. You haven’t printed it and you haven’t said it. You’ve know the background, but you haven’t said.”

Rick, you really should have listened to your lawyer…and the university…oh, and the authorities too.  And then we go back to the “EVERYONE ELSE IS LYING BUT ME! MORE LOUD NOISES!” stuff.  I am to assume when he says “You’ve known it was a lie.” he’s talking directly to the media.  How are they supposed to know that?  Why are you pointing a finger at them?  Oh, I get it; that’s diversion #7. 

“So, I’m going to get on with basketball. I will tell you this: it hasn’t hurt recruiting one bit. We will still bring in top 10 players. This program has been a top 10 program the last two years and it will continue to be a top 10 program.”

Congratulations, Rick.  Your recruits don’t give a rat’s ass that you cheated on your wife.  Oh, wait…I see what’s going on; this is the part where you pat yourself on the back and mention your accomplishments.  Gotcha. 

“Our fans are the greatest in college basketball — that’s my opinion and I work here. I’m sure there are great fans everywhere. We’ll continue to bring in great players. We will still run this program with great integrity. No question.”

Gotta squeeze some pandering to the fanatics in somewhere.

“I admitted to you that I made a mistake. And believe me that I will suffer for that mistake. My wife and family do not deserve these lies. You shouldn’t be reporting these lies. You want to report the truth? Go ahead and do it. Report the truth. Do your investigative reporting. Get the open records. Get anything you want that you can get. When it comes to trial, you’ll know the truth and that’s why I haven’t gone around to Inside Edition and this station and this station and this station — because I know it’s going to come out. The FBI and the U.S. Attorney’s office don’t go after jay-walkers. Thank you very much.”

Yep, you admitted your mistake.  What you don’t understand is that as such a large public figure as yourself, especially in Louisville, THIS PROCESS is part of your suffering for your mistake.  Remember, you are the one that porked a crazy woman on a restaurant table.  THAT is what your wife and family did not deserve.  Don’t blame their pain on the media…look in the mirror.  Your tirades do nothing but exacerbate their pain.  You want this to go away?  Stop talking, let the proper authorities do their respective jobs, and get through the trial.

Mizerle06 is a senior writer, editor, and sometimes copy-editor for Sparty & Friends.  Holla holla back at him at mizerle06@gmail.com.

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