Astros 10, Nationals 10: Jesus fucking Christ, the very first day I take over on Hit & Run and there’s a tie? Are you joking? So how do we handle this? Well, here’s the basics of the game – Houston’s pitching sucks. Washington’s pitching sucks. The weather in the greater DC area yesterday sucked. Basically, this was a waste of six hours for everybody involved.

Red Sox 7, Yankees 3: You know, I hate to keep picking on ESPN’s apparent lack of any type of proofreading on their website, but seriously, this has got to stop. As for the game… you know, I hate to keep picking on the Yankees’ apparent lack of any type of baseball talent on their team, but maybe they aren’t really that good. Maybe they actually are a third place team. Until somebody steps up in that rotation, they’re not going to beat the best teams in the American League. Joba: 5.2, 6H, 4ER, 2BB, 12K. Not terrible numbers, but when you’re going against a perennial Cy Young contender like Josh Beckett, you can’t allow 4 runs and expect to win.  And when you have the bullpen New York has, you can’t pull your starter in the sixth and expect the pen to keep it close or hold a lead.

Giants 6, Cubs 2: Sorry Mikey. This ain’t the Cubs’ year either. Bengie Molina homered and drove in three, Tim Lincecum allowed two runs on four hits and struck out seven. The Cubs only managed five hits total, and aside from Derek Lee’s double (batting a robust .209 now!), none of them went for extra bases.

Tigers 9, Twins 0: Somebody woke up Rick Porcello, as he threw seven innings of four-hit shutout ball. The Tigers jumped out to an early 6-0 lead after two innings and Miguel Cabrera brought in four runs with a homerun and double, part of a 3-4 night. Of the Twins’ five hits, Jason Kubel had three. Not sure if that’s good for him or bad for Minny… or both. On the plus side, we did get a 2.2 inning R.A. Dickey sighting!

Brewers 8, Pirates 5: At this point, Pittsburgh should just forfeit all future games against Milwaukee. The Brewers won their seventeenth straight game against the Bucs, this one behind a stellar good above-average mediocre Suppan-esque performance by… Jeff Suppan. 5.2, 5H, 3ER, 3BB, 3K. Meh. A win is a win, but when Jeff Suppan is your “Ace”, you’ve got bigger things to worry about than a win streak against the dregs of the NL Central.

Hitters approaching “En Fuego” status:

1. Brandon Phillips: 3/5, HR, 6RBI, R (I benched him this week, of course)
2. Shane Victorino: 4/5, HR, 3RBI, 3R
3. JJ Hardy: 3/3, 4RBI, R, 2BB (Benched him this week too)

Pitchers at the top of their craft:

1. Edinson Volquez: 8IP, 3H, 7K, 0 R
2. Vicente Padilla (?!?!): 8IP, 1H, 1ER, 4K
3. Aaron Cook: 8IP, 5H, 1ER, 5K

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