Happy hump day, people!  Don’t worry, your normal Wednesday morning correspondent, GatorTrey, doesn’t have the swine flu.  He just went to the Majick game last night and needed me to cover so he could get a few extra minutes of much needed beauty sleep.  Luckily for him, his trip wasn’t a waste as his Magicians pulled out the home win to take a 3-2 series lead over the 76ers.  By the way, Trey, I think we’re all anxiously waiting to hear an explanation on D-Ho’s plethora of flying elbows…any time now.  Stay tuned for any word of a possible game 6 suspension.

I hope you guys are paying attention to the Bulls vs. Celtics series.  The basketball tends to get sloppy with these two teams throughout the meat of the game, but come the end, it’s usually been tight and compelling.  The Celtics defended home court last night and eeked out a 106-104 OT win…the third OT game of the series.  Good news for the Bwoston miserables – Paul Pierce finally decided not to choke at the end of a tight game and hit some big shots last night.

Some tough news to report - while Trey has not become a victim of the swine flu, the big dog around here has.  Yes, sparty has succombed to the pork plague.  What do you expect when he draws his water from this reservoir?  Feel free to treat the TMA comments as a vigil for the bossman. 

Tens of people are reporting swine flu symptoms; so since it’s approaching epidemic numbers, I feel it’s my duty to use this platform to inform all the readers of the onset and progression of symptoms.  I interviewed a doctor for this segment of TMA, so pay attention:

Swine Flu Symptoms:
Day 1: fever (likely 101 or greater), generalized malaise (lethargy, sluggishness, generally don’t feel good).
Day 2: fever, myalgias (muscle aches).
Day 3: fever, myalgias, arthralgias (joint pain), periodic snorting.
Day 4: myalgias, vomiting, diarrhea, uncontrollable oinking.
Day 5: the constant urge to root around the carpet for grubs and roll around in your own poo.

If you experience any of these symptoms, contact your doctor immediately…or throw a skillet on the stove and hop in.

Who was it that said Patphish never contributes around here!?  From his fingers to your eyes:

Another kid for Lane Kiffin to steal from Pahokee.

Mike Leach has been doing his best lately to keep Texas Tech in the news.  And, he’s at it again.

Drinkers have been staying home opting to do their boozing from the comfort of their own cribs.  It’s the economy, stupid.  Side note:  In the TMA personal story segment, I used to work as a bartender for a country club throughout undergrad.  We used to pour 750ml bottles of Grey Goose at open bars for wedding receptions.  Oh, and we charged $125 for a bottle that usually retails for about $30. 

Remember that time your highschool/middleschool science teacher told you that the rotation of water in a flushed toilet depended on whether you were in the northern or southern hemisphere?  Well, your teacher was an idiot and a liar. 

A-Rod’s coming back sooner!  Reminds me of the time I saw this.

Perdoo may be getting a stud transfer QB.  I didn’t even know Robert Marve was leaving Miami.  He was a fairly highly recruited guy in the same class as Jimmy Clausen (Notre Dame) and Stephen Garcia (South Cackalacky).

In other transfer news, former Michigan QB Steven Threet is headed to Arizona State.

Kendrick Perkins words:

Boo hoo!  The refs don’t like us.  Boo freakin’ hoo!

No, this isn’t a promotion for a new Will Ferrell movie.

Why is Lance Briggs shaving with a straight razor anyway!?  Dude, get a Mach 3.  You might as well be using this or this.

Barry Bonds is keeping his name in the news and face at the ballpark.

“Sky Hook” has been trademarked by Kareem (scroll down to the bottom of the story).

The cause and effect of the college coaching carousel:

I called Cal a couple of weeks after it happened and said, ‘Listen, me and my staff just want to thank you because you helped us get a nice raise.

No fifth straigh no-no for Florida highschooler.

Keep an eye out for rogue swine…

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