The 133rd season of Major League Baseball is upon us. Over the next month and half, we will be taking a look at each ball club, leading up to the Expert Predictions of the esteemed staff at Sparty & Friends. We are previewing each team, from worst to first. Today we visit the home of former performance enhancers Andy Pettitte and Roger Clemens – the Houston Astros

Lance Berkman is money. Too bad money isn’t worth what it used to be. All the previews you read across the interweb speak of the amazing late season run the Astros went on after the All Star Break. Unfortunately, you can’t take that to the bank either. Bad pitching, bad offense, tough division, hitter’s ball park…it all adds up to a long season for Astros fans; only the Pirates should be worse in the NL Central.

Last Season:86-75 (3rd place in the NL Central)

Who’s Gone: Ty Wigginton 3b, Mark Loretta, BradAusmus C, Randy Wolf P

Who’s New: Aaron Boone, Danny Graves, Mike Hampton, LaTroy Hawkins, Russ Ortiz…a couple of other “meh” Players

Projected Lineup:

1. Kaz Matsui (2b)
2. Hunter Pence (RF)
3. Lance Berkman (1b)
4. Carlos Lee (LF)
5. Miguel Tejada (SS)
6. Geoff Blum (3b)
7. Michael Bourn (CF)
8. Humberto Quintero (C)
9. Pitcher du Jour

Projected Rotation:

1. Roy Oswalt (R)
2. Mike Hampton (L)
3. Wandy Rodriguez (L)
4. Brian Moehler (R)
5. Brandon Backe (R)
6. Russ Ortiz (R)

CL: Jose Valverde (R)

Key Bench Players: Aaron Boone, Darren Erstad

Manager: Cecil Cooper

Line up: Should we just go ahead and say that, as a whole, the Astros have a team filled with guys who are at the end of their prime or just past their prime? Good. We have that covered; this way I dont have to bring it up every paragraph. Kaz leads off…but gets on base just at a .354 clip. Hunter Pence and his 25 taters are nice, while Berkman follows him in the lineup and Lee following. If Cecil Cooper could put ghost men on and keep running his 2-3-4 guys up, I might be inclined to give these guys a second look. But, Tejada is not who we thought he was…someone get him some juice B12 quick. Geoff Blum, Michael Bourn, and AAA Catcher Quintero will be run out there to  shore up the back end of the batting order. Bourn could be special one day…probably ends up as the leadoff hitter at some point because of his speed…but it won’t happen this year. No wonder the lineup is ranked 25th. Oh, and before you talk about the run the Astros went on to narrowly miss out on the WC last year, I would like to remind you the Astros finished the season being outscored by 31 runs.

Starting Chuckers: It all starts with Roy Oswalt who went 17-10 last season with a 3.54. Unfortuantely, until further notice, it also ends with Roy Oswalt. Someone thought it would be a good idea to see if Mike Hampton could stay healthy all year as the #2 guy.  Do you believe that Wandy Rodriguez is in for some success? Talk to me once he pitches 200 innings. Most of the guys who read this blog had potential at one point in their lives too, ya know. Mohler, Backe, Russ Ortiz…you must pass me the pipe if you believe these guys will see double digit wins this year. The starting rotation is ranked 26th in the bigs.

Late Chuckers: Jose Valverde and then (*checks notes….sighs*) not much else. LaTroy Hawkins and Geoff Geary. “What’s that?” you say. ”Doug Brocail?” Yeah…okay. Somehow the BP is ranked 10th in the majors so this could be a bright spot; but, with the terrible rotation, expect these guys to get overworked and break down at some point.

Prediction: The team needs to trade Oswalt, Berkman, Tejada, and Valverde and make a comittment to youth. Some no-trade clauses are involved, but this probably happens at some point. Don’t kid yourselves – the Astros stink. A fifth place finish is in store for the ‘Stros; even the Reds pass them this year. 75-87.

Mikey is Senior Editor at Sparty and Friends… He can be reached at mikey@spartyandfriends.com

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