Good morning and happy day after hump day; or as I like to call today, the bicentennial birthday of some d00d named Abe Lincoln.  I think he may have pioneered the neckbeard and tophat combo?  Did you know Lincoln’s parents names were Tom Lincoln and Nancy Hanks?  If Lincoln’s mom had been a hippie, she would have made his dad take her last name thus making Tom Hanks the father of Abe Lincoln.  I know, it blew my mind too. 

Regardless of this potential circular revisionist history, there’s some sports worth talking about today.  I have it on good authority that pitchers and catchers report today.  I have no idea what that means, but apparently they report to somebody, somewhere today. 

What else could be going on?

Speaking of baseball, Bobby Abreu got paid yesterday and will be a mercenary for the Angels.  So, he basically just swapped teams with Teixeira, right?

Hey!  Guess what!  Brett Favre is retiring!  All I have to say about that is PSHAW, Brett.  Same ol’ song-and-dance we’ve heard the last four years.  Actually, I believe he’s gone this time…until he changes his mind again!  Seriously though, I think he’ll stay retired.  NOT!  See how annoying that is, Brett?  Since I know you’re reading this, let me educate you for a minute.  That’s called waffling; and you’re the master of it.  You’ve had a great career and provided entertainment for tens, if not hundreds, ot thousands of football fans for 16+ weeks a year since…sometime a long time ago; I don’t remember when.  Anyway, hang ‘em up, Brett; ain’t nobody gonna bang on you for retiring too soon.

Looks like another prominent athlete’s agent may be getting in the way of the natural progression of contracts.  Plax needs to holla back at ARod and ask how well things went when his agent took matters into his own hands a couple years back.

Now that we know the details about and can look forward to the upcoming UFL season, we should mention that the USFL is back too.  No victory formation, 4-point field goals, 3-point PAT’s, 4-point safeties…hey, at least it’s scheduled for the spring.

So, apparently this chick lady thinks that she’s been deemed too heterosexual to play women’s basketball at Central Michigan.  Sometimes, you just gotta get outta the way because the jokes will write themselves…

This Detroit columnist sure has found a way to supplement his income, or I should probably say had found a way.

There’s an allegation or two floating around that D-Wade has some dirty habits.

Apparently, the San Diago State University track coach has a doping history, and not the Detroit columnist-kind.  Who made that personnel decision? 

This is a good read on Olympic finances during economic downturns.

Come on guys!  Give it up!  Go find a beisbol player to interrogate or harass!  I think their efforts could be described by a wise man named Solomon when he talked about peeing into the wind…or was it striving after the wind?  Either way, their efforts are futile.

For college football fans in the south, all I have to say is two words that also happen to be one man’s name and you will likely have some sort of reaction with a negative connotation no matter which SEC team to whom you give your allegiance – Paul Finebaum.  He’s currently taking aim at the mouthy Lane Kiffin.

I probably couldn’t care less about professional soccer outside of the World Cup.  But, the World Cup and its qualifiers always grab my interest.  Yesterday, the US hosted Mexico in a World Cup qualifier and won for the 9th time since 2000.  USA! USA! USA!

Stump won Best in Show yesterday.

There were some college roundball disagreements last night, some of them concerning some highly ranked teams…UConn won its 12th straight…while nobody was caring, the Tar Heels dropped a triple on Dook…Wake got punked by NC State…Memphis wasn’t even nice enough to let Tulsa get to 40…and some other stuff happened.

I could have told this guy that hanging out at a place like Krzyzewskiasjklhrewiugbwarville would likely result in him being infected with something weird.

I know we had the Bud Shootout last weekend, but today really starts the ‘09 NASCAR season.  The green flag will wave at 2:00 this afternoon for the start of the Gatorade Duels, which help determine qualifying position for Sunday’s Daytona 500.  To get you up to speed a bit, Martin Truex, Jr. and Mark Martin already have Sunday’s top two spots locked up.  Check out some of the headlines here, here, and here for more good info.

Well, I’m all linked-out for this morning.  Refill your choice of leaded fuel and hang tight around here today!

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